Recap

Wow.. it was been a long time that i did not update with this Feiyen World's blog.... One of the reason was that the place I stay in at the moment do not allow me to log in to blogspot all the time and the other reason was I had spent more time with my another blog; Feiyen Corner.

Reasons, reasons.. another word means Excuses!! Lazy!! Yup, I admit that I had been getting really lazy recently, in fact is since I stop with my profession...opppss Browsing through Feiyen World's blog history. I realise that I really hardworking in baking and uploading and share it with my friends.. but for the past year.. none is updated...phew.....should really get it move on....

New Year New Blog

Been more than six months since my last blogging.. New year 2012.. would like to start a new blogspot which specifically features what is in my FeiYen Corner.

This is also my first step in starting to build up the reputation of FeiYen Corner.. Yes!!! I can do it!!!!

So.. what will be featuring in my new blogspot are basically what I had done in craftings.. the results and outcomes after splashing lots of cash in getting the materials all over the world...should produce some results to my big sponsor as well.. haha

Apart from that.. it also enable me to track myself the progress I had made in craftings since my first investment in 2010... woohoo!!!!

Family and Friends

Went for a dental surgery of my impacted teeth under general anaesthetic last Wednesday..first time after I was a newborn, I stayed in the hospital again. Lots of injection given before the surgery, change two beds, pillows and blankets. The nurses did all these and I just laid down. Once I was pushed into the operation theatre.." Can you please climb over here?' ask the nurse... I was like.. how come not carry me over.. may be I was too heavy..hahaha.. Somemore injections given and then inhaling the gas.. all I could hear was " Okie.. she is getting into her sleep" No matter how hard I try not to close my eyes.. I was defeated by the effects of the DRUGS...

No dreams or watsoever.. then I heard " Can you hear me?It is done.. open your eyes" Keep repeating near my ears and I choked and lift up my very heavy eyes..." Ok.. she is fine.." At that moment, I started to feel the pain, could not lift my hands to touch my face,no feeling on my tongue, could not talk and tears keep flooding my eyes.... At that moment, then I realised how weak was I?How uncapable was I? When I was in the ward, I still need the nurse to help me in everything.

At the moment when I started to feel conscious, I look for my phone. What was I looking? Any message from Him? To my great disappointment.. NONE until I was discharged two days later with a message from Him " So, ok already?" That's it.... Instead, his parents and my family were the ones who were beside me and gave me the comfort. Where was his comfort? From the moment I told him I am going to have my surgery till I did it, no questions asked what surgery I willl be doing and NO comfort message. I remembered I even message him the hour before I did the operation, he just replied as noted and then NO news from him again. Needless to say, his actions really disappoint me and started to make me think.."Where am I in his heart?", "Does he really still love me?", 'Where is his caring attitude?","Or he still be with me was because he feels that he feel bad to leave me or he just wanted me to leave him like 5 years ago?", "What actually does he want?","Should I wait for this man again or let go will be happier for each other?"

I surely would not like to think of these questions and how I wish he can read my blog to know what I actually feel..... You must be thinking I have already know the answer to what should I do and it is just me who do not have the guts or courage to do it..I admit it and I can say that, ' Once the relationship ages, it actually change from love to responsibility..' and Family and Friends are more important than Him, so do not neglect them.....He can be replaced but not your family and friends....

Helpless on the Bed

Love is Blind

Been reading Amy Cheung book and came across this chapter, 'You love him or you need him?'. When I read the title.. and then slowly into the content...I started to reflect on myself. The more I think of my situation, the more I get confuse. Why? Because I myself can consider lost in my love journey....

For so many years with him together, together for such a long time and coming to almost a decade...no title and no watsoever... If you ask me, what position am I in his heart...I have no answer. Years ago, if you ask me, ' Do I love him?' Without any seconds.. My answer is "Definitely!!". Today if you ask me " Do you love him?" I will thought a few seconds and answer." Yesss..if not, why I do still with him.." Why is there a lag of time?? Is it because I start to think and ask myself the question do i love him or actually do I don't wanna give up because I have invest almost a decade of youth into him??

Many years ago, I am so looking forward to become his bride. When marriage come into our conversation, he will say" I am not going to marry, if you want to marry, you better look for another man" Today, after so many years, I will still think, is my wish to become his bride possible?? Today, whenever marriage come into our conversations, he will say " Don't try your luck on me, you will fail miserably" and ' I do not like to be force, the more you force, the more I would not do it..." Is this the signals he giving out to ask me to leave him?? Whose fault is this?? His? or my stupidity thinking that every man will get tied down one day?

I believe that when you are reading this, you will ask me to leave this man and look for a better one. I do think before but just could not do it...Then you may ask.. is it because I could not give up because I been with him for so many years? Well..I also thought of letting go.. but it is not easy to do.... Because of that paper, we got to separate? Is that paper really that important? How insured is that paper to keep us together forever? If today, we got quarrel of that paper, how much future will that paper bring to us in our life? You may think of I am stupid, but I will think, as long as we are happy with our situation now, it is fine. Then you may say.... I am just thinking of excuses to make myself comfortable...Yes, I admit it... But truly speaking.. Who on this earth are not thinking of excuses to cover for their act? All I can say is...LOVE IS BLIND

I have a blog too

Been quite sometime that I did not do any blogging..the last blog that I wrote was when I was feeling down.. and after months, I blog again tonite.... it is also when I am feeling down. Why is it everytime when I feel down, I will think of blogging? How come I will not think of blogging when I am really happy and excited?? Is it because I could not find anyone to throw out my frustrated story??And if so.. does it also show that I do not have a really close friend beside me to hear all my stories??Or is it because I feel bad to throw all those negative frequency onto my innocent friends??

Recently, my girlfriend recommended me a taiwan writer Amy Cheung who writes love stories and compile her blog into a book. My friend read and came across a chapter of her book in the book store and called me.. "hey Jess,try you read this..sound so similar like your stories you told me before.." I read and it sound so like my situation.Then she bought one and I also bought one of the series.. Mine title is " I love before,that is why I live before" (direct translation)..

Been reading almost half the book with more than 30 chapters, I can said that she really had wrote down most of my 'lost and confused' feeling in my love life into the book and I also wonder.. does she also has the similar love life as mine?? Most of the chapters wrote offer more questions to think about and of course her feeling rather than telling you what to do and not to do...afterall it is her blogs and being compiled into books.. And undeniable, she reminded me I still do have a blog...

.

Expectation -Yes o No?

Knowledge
I can't live without you.I am afraid i will never see you again.....

Content

Me: Story to you that I almost had an accident on the way to BSB....thinking will never see you again...
You: That's very fun of it....
Me: Ask..you off your Brunei line.. if I really die in the accident...how long will it take for you to know and will you come back to Brunei?
You: See lo.. see got money to come back o not...
Me: okie.. heart broken into ashes..
You:...piss off and no response..and then ask....macam marah?
Me: what for marah to a man with no heart and said he himself is gay and dun care whether I m dead o alive....
You: Good nite
Me: sending an attachment on application leave letter for your info...with an additional sentence...but i think it will make no difference in your life whether i m present o not....
You: Are you looking a fight is it? Tired…..
Me:???????????????????????

New knowledge
People can live and life will still goes on with or without your presence.

You don't always see your shadow in front of you...

Lesson Learnt:
1) No point telling a person who is abroad that you almost had an accident. Because it is just an almost.. not yet happen. Even if it happen...don't expect he will come back to see u or what so ever because it incur a cost. If you lying in the hospital, even if he is back.. he can't do anything..coz he is not a doctor.. he only can see you. If you are dead, even if he is back,he also can't do anything coz you are lying in the box.

It is your own fault of not being careful.

2) Should learn to keep the mouth shut and everything to yourself....no point of sharing as it will only lead to misunderstanding that people will think you looking for a fight.

It is your own decision so keep it to yourself.

Feiyen Beef steak

Spending time with him in his oversea home and away from my home for a month for the first time is a great experience for me. Most of the time when he is at work.. I will drop by the supermarket to do grocery shopping as well as seeing how people create wonderful handmade crafts from just string and a lighter. Observing how people live and behave in their daily live is another activity to do to pass time...Teacher's habit never vanish even on holiday....observe and observe...Trying to bargain in the street is a good experience and learning new things and making friends during holiday is another wonderful and fruitful outcome...

Xmas is not widely celebrate here, but you do can feel a little of xmas atmosphere with those lightings and xmas trees....

Love the things that sell in the supermarket here.. lots of variety.. and is cheaper too... So this year xmas dinner will be at home and cooked by me..

Beef Steak and Japan Bull-Dog Sauce

Well Done Beaf Steak, with grilled sweetcorn, mashed potato and vege salad...

In fact this is my first time cooking beef steak as well...Have no idea on which part of the beef is

good.. hence I chosen the one with the most expensive price 13.60rmb per 100g..Good beef won't be hard even if it is well done.. that's for sure...and Guess what...It taste terrific and not hard at all... Thumbs up for myself !!!hahaha...