Family and Friends

Went for a dental surgery of my impacted teeth under general anaesthetic last Wednesday..first time after I was a newborn, I stayed in the hospital again. Lots of injection given before the surgery, change two beds, pillows and blankets. The nurses did all these and I just laid down. Once I was pushed into the operation theatre.." Can you please climb over here?' ask the nurse... I was like.. how come not carry me over.. may be I was too heavy..hahaha.. Somemore injections given and then inhaling the gas.. all I could hear was " Okie.. she is getting into her sleep" No matter how hard I try not to close my eyes.. I was defeated by the effects of the DRUGS...

No dreams or watsoever.. then I heard " Can you hear me?It is done.. open your eyes" Keep repeating near my ears and I choked and lift up my very heavy eyes..." Ok.. she is fine.." At that moment, I started to feel the pain, could not lift my hands to touch my face,no feeling on my tongue, could not talk and tears keep flooding my eyes.... At that moment, then I realised how weak was I?How uncapable was I? When I was in the ward, I still need the nurse to help me in everything.

At the moment when I started to feel conscious, I look for my phone. What was I looking? Any message from Him? To my great disappointment.. NONE until I was discharged two days later with a message from Him " So, ok already?" That's it.... Instead, his parents and my family were the ones who were beside me and gave me the comfort. Where was his comfort? From the moment I told him I am going to have my surgery till I did it, no questions asked what surgery I willl be doing and NO comfort message. I remembered I even message him the hour before I did the operation, he just replied as noted and then NO news from him again. Needless to say, his actions really disappoint me and started to make me think.."Where am I in his heart?", "Does he really still love me?", 'Where is his caring attitude?","Or he still be with me was because he feels that he feel bad to leave me or he just wanted me to leave him like 5 years ago?", "What actually does he want?","Should I wait for this man again or let go will be happier for each other?"

I surely would not like to think of these questions and how I wish he can read my blog to know what I actually feel..... You must be thinking I have already know the answer to what should I do and it is just me who do not have the guts or courage to do it..I admit it and I can say that, ' Once the relationship ages, it actually change from love to responsibility..' and Family and Friends are more important than Him, so do not neglect them.....He can be replaced but not your family and friends....

Helpless on the Bed