Love is Blind

Been reading Amy Cheung book and came across this chapter, 'You love him or you need him?'. When I read the title.. and then slowly into the content...I started to reflect on myself. The more I think of my situation, the more I get confuse. Why? Because I myself can consider lost in my love journey....

For so many years with him together, together for such a long time and coming to almost a decade...no title and no watsoever... If you ask me, what position am I in his heart...I have no answer. Years ago, if you ask me, ' Do I love him?' Without any seconds.. My answer is "Definitely!!". Today if you ask me " Do you love him?" I will thought a few seconds and answer." Yesss..if not, why I do still with him.." Why is there a lag of time?? Is it because I start to think and ask myself the question do i love him or actually do I don't wanna give up because I have invest almost a decade of youth into him??

Many years ago, I am so looking forward to become his bride. When marriage come into our conversation, he will say" I am not going to marry, if you want to marry, you better look for another man" Today, after so many years, I will still think, is my wish to become his bride possible?? Today, whenever marriage come into our conversations, he will say " Don't try your luck on me, you will fail miserably" and ' I do not like to be force, the more you force, the more I would not do it..." Is this the signals he giving out to ask me to leave him?? Whose fault is this?? His? or my stupidity thinking that every man will get tied down one day?

I believe that when you are reading this, you will ask me to leave this man and look for a better one. I do think before but just could not do it...Then you may ask.. is it because I could not give up because I been with him for so many years? Well..I also thought of letting go.. but it is not easy to do.... Because of that paper, we got to separate? Is that paper really that important? How insured is that paper to keep us together forever? If today, we got quarrel of that paper, how much future will that paper bring to us in our life? You may think of I am stupid, but I will think, as long as we are happy with our situation now, it is fine. Then you may say.... I am just thinking of excuses to make myself comfortable...Yes, I admit it... But truly speaking.. Who on this earth are not thinking of excuses to cover for their act? All I can say is...LOVE IS BLIND